hey world

hey blog... so its been quite sometime now! its 1.52 AM and i don't feel sleepy cos i slept so much in the afternoon to pay off my sleep debt hahaa.

so i'm rather proud of myself that i been to sch for all 3 days of the mini olympics. took part in badminton but didn't win ahha its ok. was the emcee today for the prize presentation together with qingyi and had fun leading the cheer for the competition. welll since it was the last year so yah ahhaa.

the year is ending sooon, sigh. gonna receive results soon and i really hope i don't disappoint my teachers most importantly, myself and my parents i guess.

im so unsure of myself sometimes. in like every aspect... dosen't take alot to be friends with me but to really read my mind, that's quite abit of a challenge i think haha.

if i know that i will achieve the best if i put in my very best work and dedication.. then why am i not doing it?
for studies, i should just get over the stigma of being like a dsa student and just show everyone that i can do it. for netball prolly i have to get over myself. past victories past failures. maybe relearn everything from scratch. passion has reached rock bottom when its during training. but when outside, i can soar anyhow i want. its just the environment and im stressing continously and its just the people around. not that i do not like them or anything personally but its just when its training, everyone changes, to impress.

its quite funny how sometimes u see the ugly side of human nature. sure, who dosen't gossip and badmouth once in awhile? sigh guess we don't have mutual trust, and constantly the need for popularity perhaps? i'd rather walk away. these things don't matter anymore. stuff are quite complicated but its okay, tides will change. really can't wait to graduate from sec sch. i want a new change of life. guess i really dislike routines. i like adventures and twists and anything possible. think i've said it a thousand times now.

music or higher music? its a dedication and commitment ultimately.... im seeing my old self reflecting in music. constantly striving for better and better and seeing my results improve by leaps and bounds. but should i take the even higher step? i'm still down by a grade for the requirements but i'm really quite interested since music is my fav subjects besides history and ss hahaha ok its one of my fav subjects! decisions decisions.

immmma lonely girl this year. that's the truth. close friends? i dare not. once bitten twice shy. nothing this year so far, nothing big :)

people need to stop looking down on me.
i need to stop looking down on myself.
i should not relent and give in that much sometimes
i dun believe in superiority, but humanity

everything i know will pass
cos im just clay
& God's just molding me for something greater, something bigger
this may be a trying year, a dry year
but as long i don't stop believing
it's all gonna be alright in the end.

i think too much about things sometimes. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much.

its just one of the nights again, when you reflect and decide to blog out some thoughts..

bye blog

xx